Everything’s A Ceiling


A still from God Help The Girl, a film that was a comfort to me whilst I was really poorly

I have always been an anxious person, but I thought that it was a relatively normal level of anxiety. Surely everyone feels like this? But over the last year I fell apart completely. I gradually surrendered my identity to anxiety, OCD and depression and I didn’t feel like I could do a thing to stop it.

I had felt like this previously, when I was in my last few years at high school, around 11 years ago. I was nervous all the time, terrified I was going to accidentally hurt someone, obsessing over situations that may seem minor to other people. Once I Accidentally shut a door on someone, resulting in a slight bang on the head, the girl laughed it off, but I stayed up that whole night having panic attacks. I was convinced that this girl would have a serious concussion and she would die in the night, it would be announced in assembly the next day and it would all be my fault.

I would have to tell teachers if I saw a wonky chair or bench because if someone hurt himself or herself it would be my fault because I didn’t tell anyone. These little routines became a constant companion during my last few years at school. The aim was to get through the day without worrying about something. It was exhausting and a lot for a 14 year old to deal with on their own. But that’s what I did. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I didn’t even know how to approach the subject with my parents. What would I say? How could I use words to describe my daily, exhausting torment? How could I make them understand? In the end I didn’t try. I dealt with it myself, aside from my best friend at school, who as a 14 year old herself, was not equipped to deal with her overly anxious friend. But nevertheless, she accompanied me as I told various teachers about things that I had deemed possible future catastrophes.

Luckily for me, when I left school the anxiety and OCD relented. It took a while but I no longer felt like I had to get through every day trying to avoid something to worry about. This isn’t to say it left; I still tended to become fixated just on ‘health’ issues. I would always think I was seriously ill, but I would be terrified to go to the doctor. I remember when I was at school I would constantly be worrying about either my health or this day-to-day anxiety. I would always want the health anxiety when I was dealing with the daily anxiety and vice versa. It didn’t occur to me that I shouldn’t have either. After all, it was just how I was.

I managed to get quite a good hold on the daily anxiety, and for about 9 years it was just something in my past that I had dealt with, whatever ‘it’ was; at this point I still didn’t know.

But about a year ago it started to come back, slowly at first and nothing major. Initially I struggled to make decisions at work, worried that something bad would happen if I made a mistake. But it got worse; I couldn’t leave work before I had checked my sent-box to make sure I hadn’t sent an email to the wrong person. But as I got more unwell it wouldn’t just be one check, it would be over and over again and I couldn’t make myself stop. I became frightened one little thing could turn into a disaster. I could see tragedies everywhere, and they would all become my fault. I found a way to make everything my responsibility and everything a catastrophe. I also pushed all my friends away; I didn’t want them to have to deal with me as I fell apart. It was becoming harder for me to hide it, and I just wanted to be at home all of the time. I regressed completely; I was a child who needed her mother constantly. I developed certain tasks and things I had to do everyday, in my head this was trying to prevent something happening that could worry me or hurt someone else. My aim everyday once again became going home without something to worry about. When I started to get help I was told that the tasks I had created, that in my head were cheating the anxiety, was actually Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

For about 6 months I tried dealing on my own, as I always had. But I started getting anxiety attacks at home, and I began opening up to my parents about what was going on in my head. At first they would get angry with me, and I didn’t blame them. The things I had anxiety attacks about were total nonsense to them. Why was I worrying about this? They said I shouldn’t, so why couldn’t I stop? I couldn’t give them an answer. But, thankfully in the last ten years something had changed; mental health had become more of a publicised issue. Articles were posted on Facebook about depression and anxiety; and as I read them, I started to see myself. I told my parents that I thought there was something wrong with me and I needed help. I booked an appointment with the doctor, and I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder; this was a weird moment. I know a lot of people don’t find comfort in their diagnosis, but for me it was a total relief. There was a cause for all of this, for all the hell I’d put up with as long as I could remember. I finally had a reason; the relief for me was indescribable.

I’m still a working process; I’m still trying out coping mechanisms, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the right medication, the right type of therapy. I’m no-where near 100%, but I’ve come to the realisation that I probably never will be, and that’s ok. Eventually I will get to know my illness better and I will know how to combat it, and I will function normally. I need this to be true, and I need to believe it, and I do. If you had seen me in only the way my mother has 6 months ago, I am not that person today. I am so much better, and I have to keep working to get even better. I will not let it win.

I wanted to share this because reading articles about anxiety and OCD made me realize I wasn’t alone, I’m not ashamed of it and I encourage anyone else suffering to get help. It isn’t easy and it’s a long journey to find what works for you, a journey that I am still on, but a journey I will complete.



Grrrl Power Playlist

Happy International Women’s Day, a day to channel your inner Buffy Summers, Leslie Knope and Beyonce. I’ve created a playlist which will hopefully make you feel FEARLESS.

I’m A Lady – Santogold

This is such a fantastic and classy girl power song, ‘Try to hold a light to me, I’m a lady, got my mind made up..’

One Girl Revolution – Superchick

The title says it all really, but I’ve added the video with Buffy clips, just to add more girl power to the girl power.

Just Around the Riverbend- Judy Kuhn

When Disney wants to empower you, it can do it better than anyone. This song always makes me feel like I can do anything, follow your dreams guys.. they’re just around the riverbed apparently, a wise old lady who happens to be a tree told me so.

Bad Girls -M.I.A

This song is good to listen to if you want to feel like a bit of a badass. It’s good to occasionally feel like a badass. ‘Live fast, die young, bad girls do it well’.

Never Go Hungry Again – Hole

Any song inspired by Scarlett O’Hara has to go on a girl power playlist.

Survivor – Destiny’s Child

This song really needs no introduction. “CUS MY MOMMA TAUGHT ME BETTER THAN THAT!”

Underestimate the Girl – Kate Nash

I love that this song is basically a challenge, try to underestimate the girl, I dare you. It’s a wonderful low-fi punk mess.

Wannabe – Spice Girls

Gotta have a bit of Spice, those girls know what they want, what they really really want.

The Best Day – Taylor Swift 

What’s more girl power than a song Taylor Swift wrote about her mum?

Just a Girl – No Doubt 

No empowering playlist would be complete without Just a Girl!

Rebel Girl – Bikini Kill

‘That girl thinks she’s the Queen of the neighbourhood, I got news for you.. she is!’ Ah I love this song.

Beauty Queen – Lash 

A little-known song about Queen Bees and Beauty Queens, I like to play it really loud in the car. It certainly makes me feel fierce, so hopefully it’ll make you too.

Oh Bondage! Up Yours! – X-Ray Spex

Poly Styrene is one of my all time musical heroes, she was a wonderfully talented lyricist and performer. ‘Some people think little girls should be seen and not heard, but I think.. OH BONDAGE! UP YOURS!’ What a song.

Respect – Aretha Franklin 

There really wasn’t any other way to end this really, was there? What a perfect slice of empowering perfection.

So there you have it, some of my favourite International Women’s Day favourites, what have I missed? I’m sure I could go on forever!

Songs To Help You Pretend It’s Sunny

I am so fed up on being rained on and stepping in puddles, the only time it doesn’t rain is when it’s too cold to rain, then it gets all icy and I feel like I risk my life every time I step outside. There’s no Christmas to distract us, this weather is all we have!

So I thought I would try and get us through this terrible season by showing you some of my favourite summery songs. I recommend making a summer playlist and then battling winter with denial.

Pure Shores- All Saints

This song was on the soundtrack to The Beach, hence all the beachy sounds, and I just love it. The production is so layered and the lyrics are wonderful. It makes me feel like travelling to some unknown beach to ‘discover’ myself, hopefully I don’t also discover some shark that bites my leg off though.

Surfin’ USA- Beach Boys

I could have filled this post with just Beach Boys songs, they are my happy place. Do you have one band you just NEVER skip when you have your iPod on shuffle? Well The Beach Boys are mine. If I wasn’t terrified of fish and anything that could potentially paralyse me, I would so go surfing USA.

Here Comes the Sun- The Beatles

Maybe a bit of an obvious choice, but Here Comes the Sun is the king of the summery song. The guitar accompaniment is perhaps one of the most beautiful and soothing pieces of music ever written, a little slice of sunsine!

When the Sun Goes Down- Ben Gibbard 

This is one of Ben Gibbard’s lesser known songs, it was originally on the reboot of Arthur soundtrack and was probably the highlight of the film (as a Russell Brand fanatic I’m allowed to say that, he admits it was crap too). The song has a beautiful melody and a light percussion that gives it a lovely lazy feeling. Just listen to it and imagine lying in the sun, I bet you’re way more relaxed by the end.

The Only Place- Best Coast

Best Coast are very much a child of The Beach Boys, that’s perhaps why I like them so much. No other band can make you want to go to the beach more, with lyrics like ‘We were born with sun in our teeth and in our hair’ and ‘We’ve got the ocean, got the babes, got the sun, we’ve got the waves’.  They are sure to make you feel like summer all year round. They also make me feel ridiculous for being a person who doesn’t live in California, why would you live anywhere else?

No Rain- Blind Melon

This is a lovely spaced out summery song, with added adorable bumble-bee. I like it most for the shaker and the finger clicking, not enough songs have finger clicking these days. It needs to be brought back. Especially by boy bands, you need to do some finger clicking then stand up off a stool. How else will the audience be able to anticipate a key change?! I’m looking at you One Direction! (Because you are the only boy band that I currently know exists).

Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright- Bob Dylan

This isn’t an obvious summery choice, but the song makes me picture driving through wide open space surrounded by sun. I think it’s the ‘When your rooster crows at the break of dawn’ lyric. It’s a fantastic song, and in my opinion, Dylan’s greatest.

Back to California- Carole King

Carole King is perhaps the songwriter I admire the most. She’s just quietly defined an era of music. Her early solo stuff doesn’t get as much attention as I think it deserves, and this is one of my favourites. I like songs about California, can you tell?! This is just a fun song to play super-loud with the car windows down.

Sunset Strip -Courtney Love

I will forever defend Courtney Love, she got me through my angsty teenage years! Lyrically, this is Courtney at her finest. ‘Rock star pop star, everybody dies. All tomorrow’s parties, they have happened tonight’. Perfect. This is also a good song to blast whilst driving, if only for the lyric ‘I’m gonna ride this thing until the wheels fall off, cus girls like me we always get what we want’. Grrrrl power. Good old Courtney, my Queen.

Crooked Teeth -Death Cab For Cutie

Ben Gibbard is one of my favourite lyricists, he has that same gift for turning mundanity into beauty, just like Morrissey. Crooked teeth is about a heatwave, but also love and loss. Ben pretty much covers every human emotion in every song he writes. He’s good at painting images in simple ways ‘It was 100 degrees as we sat beneath a willow tree’, then just smacking you in the face with something awesome ‘Cause at night the sun in retreat, made the skyline look like crooked teeth, in the mouth of a man who was devouring, us both.’ See, at first we were just sat in the sunshine, now we’re being eaten by the sky. Ben takes you places.

Malibu- Hole

My dear old mate Courtney is back again. Malibu is perfection. I love the floaty backing vocals paired with the angsty lyrics. Such a lovely, tragic song.

Nashville Shores- Jemina Pearl

Jemina is best known as the former front-woman of Be Your Own PET, one of my favourite punk bands. Jemina’s solo debut sounds like if The Shangri-Las and Bikini Kill had a baby, pretty bloody good, basically. Nashville Shores makes me think of sweaty summer days, ‘coca-cola kisses, sunburnt eyes’, lots of summery lyrics and a 60s drum-beat. What more do you need?

California- Joni Mitchell

I won’t miss a chance to add another song about California, especially when it’s by Joni Mitchell, a total babe. I love how she personifies California in the song, like California is a man she left and she wants him back. That’s how I hear it anyway. ‘Will you take me as I am? Strung out on another man. California, i’m coming home’.

OMYGOD! – Kate Nash

This song has two of my favourite things, an upbeat melody paired with sad lyrics. The Motown label songwriters did this better than anyone. Stop! In the Name of Love is a good example. It’s a fun pop song on the surface, but if you listen to the lyrics it will proper make you cry. It’s about a woman begging her partner to stop cheating on her, because she loves him. I know this is a weird thing to like in a song, but it just gives an added depth and you can chose what you want to get out of the song when you listen to it. If I’m happy I can listen to it and just have a little dance, or If i’m in a bad mood I’ll listen to the lyrics whilst staring outside my window whilst it rains and cry (not really).

Kate Nash’s song has the same upbeat melody with darker lyrics. Yeah, it has a funky bass line and a super catchy chorus, but it’s about being on a holiday where you should be having the best time, but the person you’re with has fallen out of love with you. Despite the sad lyrics, it still has a really summery feel and I like manically dancing around my room to it.

Heatwave- Martha Reed & The Vandellas

Does this song even need an explanation?! Is it the happiest song ever written? YES. Just turn it up really loud right now and dance super passionately. That’s probably what I’m doing.

Ice Cream – New Young Pony Club

This is just a super-sexy, cool song about ‘ice cream’, because no summery playlist would be complete without some electro-pop.

Miami -Will Smith

Last but certainly not least, possibly the ultimate summer song- Miami by The Fresh Prince! Sing it with me now; “Party in the city where the heat is on, all night, on the beach till the break of dawn, welcome to Miami..” Though if I’m honest, Dexter has put me right off the idea of going to Miami. HOW MANY SERIAL KILLERS DOES THAT PLACE HAVE?!*

*I find it hard to separate fiction from actual life.

So there you go, my summer playlist. Hope it helped you forget the weather for a little while. What are your favourite summery songs?

Favourite Fictional Women

Here’s a list of some of my favourite fictional women, this was really hard work to write as there we so many to choose from! But I think I got the main ones, I may have to do a part two at some point down the line though! Hopefully you’ll find some of your own favourite ladies in this list, if not, well.. write your own!


 Buffy Summers

She’s really got to be first, she was the first fictional woman I truly adored, my first feminist hero, and she could also slay and talk witty banter whilst she did it. Joss Whedon created Buffy because he was sick of the defenseless blonde female being one of the first to be killed off in every horror film, he wanted to turn the tables and have the blonde female be the thing the Big Bad was running from. It’s safe to say he achieved that. Buffy is probably the reason why I question sexism constantly, because I grew up watching Buffy, and therefore having no reason to ever think a woman couldn’t do anything a man could do. She’s not just the badass hero though, there’s so much more to her than that, she wants to give up through the series numerous times, but she always overcomes any mental and physical obstacles, she shows the importance of inner-strength as well as physical strength. I’m also pretty sure that if I was ever in a fight, all my years of watching Buffy would kick in, and I’d know all the slayer moves. She is wonderful, and she saved the world…a lot.


Molly Hooper 

(A few spoilers in this one). I love Molly largely because I think she represents what a lot of girls my age would be like in the presence of Sherlock. He is the definition of intimidating. Most of us have acted like a big dork in front of a boy/girl we like, but there’s more to Molly than that, she’s not just there to show how Sherlock can deduce everything but a crush. She’s incredibly intelligent, and she’s one of the few people who can see through Sherlock and work out what he’s really feeling. Molly deduces the hell out of him in The Reichenbach Fall, and it was also proven in that episode that Molly is trustworthy, like, REALLY trustworthy. I also loved that she dated Jim Moriarty, (a psychopath-for-hire I might add), got him to watch Glee, dumped him..and didn’t get herself killed in the process, what a hero. If I could meet Molly in real life, I wouldn’t ask her what she did to help Sherlock fake his death though, I’d ask her what she got him for Christmas; its always bugged me.


Scarlett O’Hara 

Gone With the Wind is my all time favourite film. I do love the book, but it’s the film that made me fall for Scarlett.. I will happily sit through the four hours over and over again. I adore Scarlett, though it’s sometimes hard to understand why I do. She’s spoilt, manipulative, pines after a man who doesn’t love her, and treats SO badly a man who does. But, what I love about Scarlett comes from a scene in the film just after they get back to Tara, and she’s tired and hungry and she’s lost everything in that moment..But she finds a carrot in her family’s field, the last thing they own, and she clutches it to her chest and says;

‘As God is my witness, as God is my witness they’re not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.’

And she never bloody is! She does EVERYTHING in her power to ensure that she’s never in that situation again; she does some awful things to make sure that everything always goes her way from then on. But she does it, and I admire her perseverance, she never breaks, and I think she’s wonderful. Plus, I love that this speech surely inspired the title of Hole’s second album. Grrrl power through the ages.


Hermione Granger 

Where do I start with Hermione? J.K Rowling says that her feminist conscience is saved by Hermione, “who’s the brightest character” and is a “very strong female character”. She is definitely those things, but so much more. Can you imagine how dead Harry would be without Hermione?! In the Chamber of Secrets she saves everyone even when she’s stuck in a hospital Petrified, she’s amazing. I think her proudest moments are in The Deathly Hallows book though, she shows so much strength. Harry and Ron wouldn’t have even brought a tent without her, let alone a plan. Despite her fearlessness, loyalty and intelligence, I think I love her most for S.P.E.W; I love her compassion. She calls the wizarding world out on its lack of equality, and as a bit of an equality ranter myself, I have always enjoyed her attempts to get Harry and Ron interested in S.P.E.W, maybe she’s where I get it from? Hermione is who I want to be, she never tries to be cool, or anything she isn’t, she’s just herself and she doesn’t feel the need to try a bit less hard, or pretend to be a bit less intelligent to fit in. She is completely herself, and luckily, herself is completely awesome. I love her.


Liz Lemon

Honestly, what’s not to love? She’s funny, clever and ever so slightly vulnerable. I want her to be my friend. I can relate a lot to Liz Lemon, we both like to spend most of our evenings on our own watching sci-fi and eating crisps, and we’re both kind of a nerd. I love that Liz can be pure comedy one minute, and then break your heart the next. She wants to ‘have it all’, the career and the family, and sometimes you really feel for her, especially when she thinks she’s pregnant. The voice-mail message she leaves on Jack’s phone never fails to break my heart. But I love the layers to Liz’s character; she’s not just a ‘funny woman’, she’s a whole person, she has so much of the depth that many fictional females seem to be without.  Plus, there ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party cus a Liz Lemon party is MANDATORY.


Cordelia Chase 

The first ever episode of Buffy is nearly as quotable as Mean Girls, and that is largely down to Cordelia Chase. “WHAT IS YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA?!” “Excuse me, I have to call EVERYBODY I have EVER MET.” Brilliant. But it’s not until Cordelia moves over into the Buffy spinoff Angel, that she really comes into her own. In series one she is as vapid as she was in Buffy, but after being given The Sight by a rather lovable Irish demon WHO SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN KILLED OFF ANYWAY. She has to receive visions from the Powers That Be of people in danger, then send Angel and the rest of the gang to go and help the hopeless. Cordelia is beautiful and funny, and without a doubt the wittiest person on the show, she’s also the heart of the operation.. And sometimes, SOMETIMES! I think she is better for Angel than Buffy ever was. BLASPHEMY! I also feel sorry for her ‘cus she has this tendency to get impregnated with demon spawn, and this one time it takes and she gives birth to Zoe Washburn from Firefly, and the whole thing is pretty creepy.


Elizabeth Bennet 

Jane Austen was a brilliant satirist, it’s something that is often overlooked, and in real life I bet she was probably one of the most sarcastic people you’d ever meet. But I think a lot of that came through with how she wrote Elizabeth, she has a really funny and quick humour, especially in her interactions with Mr. Collins.. Not that he gets any of it, which is probably a good thing, cus otherwise he’d realise that she was totally taking the piss.

I just think Lizzie is great, she knows her own mind, but is big enough to know when she’s in the wrong, and when to do something about it. Darcy loved her enough to want to be a better man, and she loved him enough to question her actions and opinions. Pride & Prejudice will always be one of my favourite books, and Elizabeth is the reason for that.


Arya Stark 

I love George R.R. Martin, and this quote is a good representation as to why;

George Stroumboulopoulos: There’s one thing that’s interesting about your books. I noticed that you write women really well and really different. Where does that come from?

George R.R. Martin: You know, I’ve always considered women to be people.

I sometimes think a testament to good writing is when the reader doesn’t truly hate any of the characters. No-one is all bad, and I think good writing can reflect that. When a character has enough depth and flaws, then they are almost real. If you just have ‘bad guy’ and ‘good guy’ it can get a little boring, the best art tends to be in the grey area. I feel like George R.R. Martin gets that brilliantly, Cersei Lannister is a good example of this, she is cold and manipulative, a would-be childkiller, and a loving and doting mother. I may also add that she is fucking brilliant. She shows that you don’t have to be one or the other, not all good and not all bad, and I find that with fictional women, they usually tend to put put in the good category or the bad category and left there. George’s female characters are as developed as their male counterparts and I love getting to know them better. Daenerys, Cersei, Stansa, Catelyn and Brienne are some of my favourite Song of Ice & Fire ladies, but I have such a soft spot for Arya, I love that this little girl already knows where she’s going with her life, and it’s not heading in the direction anyone else wants. She wants to be a knight and an expert sword-fighter, and I hope she gets to be! I’m not up to date with the books yet, so I don’t know what’s in store for Arya. I do know that you can’t count on George R.R. Martin for happy endings, but I want her to have one.

I really fell in love with Arya after this scene in Game of Thrones;

Arya Stark: Now that Bran’s awake, will he come live with us?

Eddard Stark: Well, he needs to get his strength back first.

Arya Stark: He wants to be a knight of the Kingsguard. He can’t be one now, can he?

Eddard Stark: No, but someday he could be lord of a holdfast, or sit on the king’s council, or he might raise castles like Brandon the Builder.

Arya Stark: Can I be lord of a holdfast?

[Ned chuckles and kisses Arya’s forehead]

Eddard Stark: You will marry a high lord and rule his castle, and your sons shall be knights and princes and lords.

Arya Stark: No… that’s not me.

I love how simple this is to Arya. That’s not her and she’s not going to do what is expected, but what she wants. Everyone should take that bit of advice from Arya.


Jess Day 

I know that Zooey Deschanel gets a bit of a kicking for being the kooky girl all the time, but I think people just choose to see kooky when they see her and don’t really look for anything else. Playing a character in a series was a really good choice for Zooey, because when you play a character for that long you get to see more and more of the person behind the initial exterior. Personally, I love a bit of kooky. I’ve been called a kooky girl a few times and I suppose I am one of those girls. I like dresses covered in unicorns and cupcakes and puppies and all that jazz, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to me, or anyone else who likes the same things. Like Zooey says “I wanna be a fucking feminist and wear a fucking peter pan collar!” Jess Day is reclaiming the cutesy girl for us, but showing that she can also be smart and strong at the same time, I loved Jess’s rant at one of Nick’s girlfriends after she continued to insult Jess’s entire personality.

“I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird, and it freaks me out. And I’m sorry I don’t talk like Murphy Brown. And I hate your pantsuit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter. And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong.”



Sookie Stackhouse 

Please note that I used a cartoon Sookie in this picture, because I love BOOK Sookie, NOT True Blood Sookie. My previous post about Eric Northman shows what I think of Alan Ball!

Now we’ve established that, I’ll tell you why she’s one of my favourite female characters. What mainly made me fall for Sookie obviously comes from the way that Charlaine writes her, her inner monologue is so personal, you just get to know her so well and I feel like she’s one of my friends! It’s not like everything she thinks is mind-blowing, it’s just the opposite, she thinks things that I think like ‘Oooh, that was such a crap shift at work, I just wanna go home and put a pizza in the oven and watch a film!’ But I like it, it makes her so human. Obviously my love for her doesn’t just stem from her craving pizza as much as I do! She’s also fiercely intelligent, and often underestimated. She is blonde and busty and works as a waitress, so she often suffers prejudice as a result of this, people constantly assume she’s stupid, but she always thinks outside the box and in every book proves that she is more capable than people presume. Throughout the books she goes through an awful lot of crap, and always comes out stronger as a result. She is sensible, smart, strong, independent and proud and I just think she’s brilliant. Sometimes she can frustrate me to death, but it just adds to the realism, she doesn’t always handle things the way I would, but how real would she be as a character if she did?



I like Belle because she fell in love with the Beast the moment he showed her his library! Beauty & the Beast is one of my favourite love stories, and pathetically it is one of the few films that ALWAYS makes me cry.

As a little kid I related to the girl that always had her head stuck in a book, cus I was just like that. I also loved that she wouldn’t go near Gaston, because she wanted someone that would love her as a whole person, not just as an object or a baby-maker! She was also brave, sacrificing herself for her father. There’s just so much to admire in Belle, she’s a really strong character. I will forever defend the Disney princesses, despite their issues. When I was little I found something to admire in all of them, and no critique can take away how they made me feel empowered, and helped me realise I should never sell myself short. They’re my ladies! My war-fighting, book reading, dream believing, refuse to marry-ing – LADIES.


Jane Eyre 

In 1966 R.B Martin stated that Jane Eyre was the first feminist novel, and whether intentionally or not, I really think that Charlotte Bronte wrote a feminist masterpiece in Jane Eyre.  Jane’s relationship with Mr. Rochester is built on an equality of the mind, they challenge each-other, and she doesn’t take any shit, as this quote demonstrates;

Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God’s feet, equal — as we are!”

WHAT AN AWESOME WOMAN. I love that quote so much, and for me it perfectly demonstrates everything I like about Jane, to the casual eye she is seen as unremarkable, plain and poor, but in reality she is anything but, she’s a firecracker!


Lesley Knope 

I’m quite new to Parks & Recreation, but I’ve already thrown a Galentine’s Day Gathering, so I think that gives me some extra fangirl points. Lesley Knope has kind of become my happy place. I’m pretty sure she is the only idealistic politician, fictional or otherwise.  She just wants to do good, help people and become the first female president in the process, easy! The only downside to Parks & Recreation is the fact you have to fight a near constant craving for waffles with whipped cream whilst you’re watching it; Lesley eats A LOT of waffles. I just think she is an awesome role model, an intelligent, kind-hearted politician who eats a lot of breakfast food, and most importantly, coined this particular mantra; “You know my code. Hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before brovaries.” What a lady.


Bridget Jones

I don’t remember how many times I read the Bridget Jones’s Diary books when I was younger, but it was A LOT. Helen Fielding wrote her so well, I really do feel like I’m just snooping on someone’s diary whilst I read it, Bridget feels very real to me. The books are mainly comedy, but they have an honesty that can sometimes be heartbreaking. I also love how 90s the books are, she spends a lot of her time rewinding the wet-shirt scene in Pride & Prejudice and considering the fact that she would most definitely sleep with Tony Blair, there’s enough 90s references to keep everyone happy. I think lots of girls want Bridget for a friend, I know I do!


Miss Honey 

I can’t remember ever not wanting to be Miss Honey a little bit. When I was little there was a cottage near where we lived that was really run down, and it reminded me of Miss Honey’s cottage. For that reason I wanted to buy it, and fix it up myself when I was a grown up! But a few years ago someone else fixed it up, and it looks lovely, but it’s not Miss Honey’s cottage anymore.

She is such a wonderful character; she is kind and compassionate with no real reason to be. She had a horrible life, but she still turned into a good person, her love and loyalty towards Matilda is inspiring, and I like that two people who spent most of their life being unloved, find love and family with each other.



What can I say? I love Joss Whedon’s women! Darla sired Angel, so you’ve at least gotta respect her taste in men (literally! *Snorts*). I love Julie Benz in everything she’s been in, and I’ve had to watch her characters die more times than I’d like to, she always plays them so well and I always fall in love with them. But Darla is just an awesome creation, she’s sometimes the badass evil vampire, luring Angel to the dark side, and other times she’s so incredibly vulnerable that I just want to hug her. Despite what she says, I think with or without a soul, she loves Angel. (You can’t tell me otherwise, cus I just won’t listen) She is also hilarious, if you like dry sarcasm from a very very dark place, and I sure do.


Amy Pond 

I heart Amy Pond, I love her bravery, her sense of adventure, her relationship with Rory, but mostly, I love her relationship with the Doctor. I think that Amy and the Doctor have the strongest Doctor-Companion bond, the Doctor watched Amy grow up, and I think she kind of watched him grow up too. The Doctor, unlike any other companion before, affected every aspect of Amy Pond’s life, from the Crack in the Wall, to Melody Pond and finally, to the Weeping Angels in New York. Every important part of Amy’s life is down to the Doctor, that gives her an insight into how the Doctor thinks and feels better than anyone else, she’s the closest anyone has gotten to actually knowing him. Amy went on a really big journey throughout the series; at first she is torn between the Doctor and Rory, an adventure or a wedding? But by her last appearance in the show she no longer finds it a hard choice, she knows she belongs with Rory, I guess if you’d watched your husband die that many times you’d be a little more attached! But, what I also like is that she didn’t have to pick between a marriage or an adventure in the end, she had both. Marrying Rory didn’t stop the adventure, it continued it, and I like that Amy showed girls and boys that they can get married and not have to stop the adventure there, you can still travel round space and kick butt, with or without a Mr. Pond.

So there you go, there’s my very long list of favourite fictional women, hope some of your favourites were in there too!

Why Can’t I Buy Avengers Pants?




I thought I’d tackle the rather hard-shitting feminist topic of why I can’t buy Avengers pajamas or pants.

I enjoyed Iron Man, Captain America and Thor as much as everyone else on Tumblr, although I may post less pictures of Tom Hiddleston’s face than is required to become a fully fledged member of the Avengers fandom, I’ve certainly got the Loki love. I was super-excited to see the Avengers, and not just because I loved the previous films, I am also a life-long fan of Joss Whedon, and I find it impossible to think that he can do any wrong. (APART FROM WHEN HE KILLED OFF ANYA AND POKED XANDER’S EYE OUT. WHYYYYYYYYY?!)

Anyway, I work in a clothes shop, and around the time the Avengers came out, we started selling Avengers themed pants and Superman pajamas in the men’s section, and this made me think that I’d quite like some Avengers pajamas and pants. We didn’t have any in the girl’s section at work, but we did sell The Only Way is Essex pants, so that’s nice isn’t it?

I wasn’t really surprised we didn’t sell any at work, but I felt sure that I’d be able to get some online… OH, AND I DID. Here’s a little preview of them; 

Something strikes me as odd about these, it’s almost like the only way women can buy Avengers pajamas is if they sexualize themselves and the Avengers in the process. Personally, I’m a fan of the flannel pajama, so these really don’t ring my bells. I particularly like how the waist on all three pajamas is so narrow they have to add a background to the pajama, just to accentuate the tininess of the waist. Always nice to have your self-esteem kicked just before bed. As Christina Flores writes, you can’t help but feel like these were made with men in mind, like the only reason women would want Avengers pajamas is to impress a partner, cus we all know the Hulk is sexy. 

You only have to look through Tumblr to see that girls are among some of the biggest Avengers fans. It just seems strange that Marvel would cut off 50% of their market because of some warped sexism. Marvel, WAKE UP. Girls bloody love superheroes and comics, and can we please let the world know that in our choice of underwear and pajamas please? But in a way that is comfortable and non-‘sexy’, give me some Avengers flannel pajamas and full brief pants, and I’ll love you forever.

I really would like this to change, I want to see the Hulk popping up in the girl’s section of clothes more often, I want more of a range! And give the men some The Only Way is Essex pants incase they want some, not all men like the Avengers and not all women like The Only Way is Essex, and I’d like to see that reflected in clothing stores. I know I’m not a minority in this, and I’d like shops online and off to stop making me feel like one. 

Christina Flores also writes a bit about this.

My Favourite Fictional Men.

Many years of extensive study, both reading and watching (all in the name of science of course), has left me with a strong idea of what I like in a fictional man, these men are strictly “real”, I mean that as in not an animation, that’s another list for another time! My top fictional men change pretty frequently, but at the moment these are my favouites, and hopefully some of yours too, otherwise I’ll just look even more weird.


Mr Darcy

Look, I know I know, Darcy really isn’t that great, Lizzie actually falls in love with his house, not him, and I imagine being with someone that serious all the time would be tiring! Plus, I’m pretty sure we’d have political differences. But, this is more about Colin Firth’s portrayal of Darcy, he is in my top 10 because of one scene in the television series, purely because of how Darcy looks at Lizzie when she is sat with Georgianna at the piano. He just looks so intensely in love with her, everyone wants to be looked at like that. (Especially by Colin Firth…AMIRIGHT?! Yes, yes I am).



Seeley Booth

Oh Seeley, lovely Seeley. Angela from Bones once described him as ‘A knight in shining FBI standard issued body armor’ and she was SO right. Seeley pretty much fits your standard heroic archetype; he’s chivalrous, idealistic, brave..and hot, did I mention he’s hot? This man will literally dive in-front of bullets and have a fridge explode on him just to protect the woman he loves, and he has done all those things, loads of times! He will also dance to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and Hot Blooded, which just adds more perfect to the perfect.


Jon Snow

I don’t think ‘adorable’ is the first word that pops into your head when thinking about Game of Thrones or the Song of Ice & Fire books, but I can’t think of a better way to describe Jon Snow. You can tell he is a romantic at heart, and selfless, his choice to be celibate so as to avoid bringing another Snow into the world demonstrates that. I just want to give Jon a big hug, he hasn’t had it easy, he’s grown up with his family, but has been constantly reminded that he is different from the rest of them. I’d like to rescue him and take him on a nice holiday somewhere, preferably somewhere really hot, somewhere where winter is definitely NOT coming. Plus, I want his direwolf, and it would be nicer to have the direwolf with Jon, instead of stealing it.


The Piemaker

Pushing Daisies was a really lovely TV series, quirky and aesthetically pleasing. But Ned, Ned was such a dreamboat. He was cute, solved crimes, could bring people back from the dead..and most importantly, he MADE PIES. DELICIOUS PIE. I could have pie all the time, pie! …Pie.


Eric Fucking Northman

Eric Northman, everyone’s favourite One Thousand year old Viking Vampire. I’m basing this strictly on Eric from the book, because I don’t want to start on how Alan Ball has butchered MY Eric. I like that Eric is not all good, he can be selfish and get it totally wrong at times, but this means he’s a well rounded multi-dimentional character, flaws an’ all, not just a romantic interest, a whole (fictional, *sigh*) person. But he loves Sookie, he’s always been there for her, and it’s not just that, Eric is funny, flirty, brave and more sensitive than I think even Sookie realises. Also, Charlaine gives him some of the most wonderful dialogue. One of my personal favourites;

Eric: I will never turn you, since you don’t want it.

Sookie: Even if I’m going to die, don’t turn me. I would hate that more than anything.

Eric: I agree to that. No matter how much I may want to keep you.

He’s a passionate sexy Viking, I shouldn’t have to do anymore explaining than that really, but I will tell you that apparently he looks very good in pink lycra, and I think that only a gifted few can pull that off.


Rhett Butler 

I’m pretty sure there would be no Eric Northman without Rhett Butler, so I think it’s important to add him to the list! He’s a bit of a bad boy with a good heart essentially. He, for whatever reason, adores Scarlett, and waits for her to finally realise that HE IS WAY BETTER THAN ASHLEY BLOODY WILKES. But, as we all know, she realises when it’s a bit too late and he, frankly, does not give a damn. But he supports Scarlett throughout most of her life, even though she isn’t a little bit grateful, and he loves his daughter so completely that it’s almost unbearable to deal with when she *SPOILER ALERT* dies. He has a lot of the characteristics that I love about Eric, the joie de vivre especially. Scarlett had a good thing with Rhett, it’s a shame it took her too long to realise. But I like to think that if Margaret Mitchell hadn’t had her accident, she would have got those crazy kids back together.


Edward Scissorhands 

I realise I’m setting myself up for what could essentially be a logistical nightmare here, but I think our dear Edward would be worth the effort. Yeah, he has scissors for hands, but they couldn’t have ended up on the arms of anyone less likely to use his appendages for violence. You’d have to watch him whilst he was eating his peas, and he’d probably have a constant concussion from banging his head against the car window, but you couldn’t have a more caring man in your life. He just wants friends, family and a girl who likes dancing in snow. I think everyone’s heart breaks when Kim asks Edward to hold her and he’s all “I CAN’T.” WE’D FIND A WAY, EDWARD! WE’D FIND A WAY!



Angel is probably my first love, the tortured vampire with a soul searching for redemption, Edward Cullen has got nothing on my man! Anyone who knows me knows that Buffy is pretty much my best thing ever, and Angel and Buffy was just SO MUCH DRAMA. They were together, then they weren’t, they were together, then they had sex and he turned into evil Angelus, but it’s ok cus when he’s evil he wears leather trousers. Then he tried to kill the world, then he was good, then Buffy had to kiss him then kill him to save the world, then he was in a hell dimension for a 100 years, then he was back, then they were together, then they broke up and Buffy “couldn’t breathe” and our hearts broke, then he moved to L.A and helped the helpless, then Buffy was cookie dough, and that left us with hope. Puts your own love life into perspective doesn’t it? But Angel is just lovely, and 10 year old me wouldn’t allow him to not be on this list somewhere.. But as I re-watch Buffy I do find myself more and more attracted to Giles as I get older, especially in Band Candy, but I think that’s another blog post for another time.



From one Angel to another, Castiel, the cutest angel in the garrison. Oh Cas, Dean Winchester’s most loyal friend. When Castiel was first introduced into Supernatural I loved him immediately. Misha Collins plays him so brilliantly, he takes everything literally, has no sense of irony and he has a childlike innocence. He goes through a lot of changes in the series, at first he is just an “Angel of the Lord” and he followed his orders like a good little soldier. But, unlike the other angels Dean & Sam are around, Castiel becomes fond of Dean and ends up following him over the orders of heaven. It’s a really brilliant story-line, and Castiel’s loyalty to Dean is one of my favourite qualities. Although, I think my certainty that Dean & Castiel are actually in love with each-other could be a dent in our relationship. But, “I’m the one that gripped you tight and raised you from perdition”, remains the sexiest sentence I’ve ever heard.

gVGmy Sherlock 

I’m pretty sure I said everything that needs to be said about this man here, but I’ll elaborate a little bit further. Dating a high functioning sociopath probably isn’t the best idea, but as Irene Adler says, brainy is the new sexy, and I think that would win out in the end. Most importantly, my god can that man wear a shirt! His poor buttons must be constantly straining! He could play me bitter-sweet melodies on the violin, take me on exciting detective adventures, teach me the science of deduction, and we’d have a blummin lovely time.

Seeker Hunter Niall

Wicca was a series of books I read during my early teens, and they remain one of my favourites. Hunter was the protagonist’s love interest throughout most of the series. What’s incredibly depressing is that when I started reading these at 12/13, Hunter, at 19, was a proper grown-up in my eyes, he could drive a car and everything! But, now I’m 23 and still liking Hunter is just a bit weird. But then again, Taylor Swift and Harry Styles are dating so maybe it’s alright? Who knows! Hunter had a difficult life, missing parents, evil step-mother, getting stabbed by the girl he liked, falling off a cliff, being stranded on an Island for 16 years, y’know, the usual. But, I was so wrapped up in these stories and I loved Hunter in the way only a 13-year-old girl could love a fictional 19-year-old witch, and I’ll forever have a soft-spot for him.

Wow-dean-winchester-20567516-1280-720 Dean Winchester

Dean Winchester, sexy demon/ghost/giant teddy-bear hunter. Anyone who follows me on Tumblr knows that my blog is pretty much just full of .gifs from Supernatural, I love it. But Dean is without a doubt my favourite brother (Sorry Sam, but you shouldn’t be so grumpy all the time.) Dean is another fictional character I just want to give a big hug, he had a tough childhood, what with his mum being killed on the ceiling of his little brother’s nursery when he was 5, then having to go round the country hunting demons with his dad from then on. But he deals with it so well, and in the first 5 seasons at least, he loves what he does, he has fun doing it; “Saving people, hunting things, the family business.” Plus, I mean, look at him! That man can POUT. Also, he has the nicest car I’ve ever seen, and we could drive round the country killing demons together (cus in that reality I would be good at it, not hiding in a corner crying, which is probably what I’d really do).

500full Roarke 

Roarke is a character from the In Death book series, so he doesn’t have a proper face I can put up, but in my head he looks like Ian Somerhalder, and I’ll look for any excuse to image search Ian Somerhalder. The In Death books are set in the future, from the point of view of a detective called Eve Dallas. Roarke is first introduced in the first book as one of the main suspects in a series of murders (bit awkward right?) But ohmygod, he is proper nice for a murder suspect. He’s a billionaire business man, suspected throughout the series to be the richest man in the world, but he uses a lot of his money to collect antiques, such as books. Because, in this future everyone has all their books on what is essentially a Kindle, which means this writer is good, as these books were written in the mid-90s, when the Kindle was most definitely not a thing! I fell in love with Roarke when I read a description of his library ‘She’d never in her life seen so many books. She would never have believed so many existed outside of museums. The walls were lined with them so that the two-level room positively reeked with books.’ When Eve questions him about them he replies “I have an affection for them.” Call it a Beauty & the Beast complex but a man with a library is pretty much one of the hottest things ever. He’s also really attentive and caring towards Eve, and she doesn’t make it easy for him, she tends to push people away, but he doesn’t give up and eventually she accepts that he is going to be in her life, and they’re just a lovely couple.

Peeta-hunger-games-guys-24636980-1067-798 Peeta

Peeta is an easy one to justify..HE BAKES CAKES! Like, really nice ones. He can also paint his face to look like a stone, but he BAKES CAKES. And that is important to remember if you’re struggling to choose between Peeta and Gale. He also goes through so much with Katniss, and they are an amazing team, plus overcoming that bit in the 3rd book (when that thing happens to him, y’know THE SAD KATNISS THING? That was amazing, he loved her that much). TEAM PEETA, Gale who?


 Damon Salvatore 

Damon is just so attractive. Yeah, he’s essentially a serial murderer, BUT HE’S SO TORTURED AND WITTY WITH IT. Damon has pretty much had the only two girls he’s ever loved, love his brother more than him. That must really suck, no wonder he’s a bit self-destructive. He’s by no means a good guy, but if you’re on his team, he can be fiercely loyal. Being in love with Elena is by far his most redeeming quality, it keeps him anchored to his humanity, although, she has broken his heart so many times, and it makes me want to hop into the Vampire Diaries and yell “I PREFER YOU OVER YOUR BROTHER, LIKE WAY MORE, HE HAS A SQUARE HEAD!” I think he’d rather hear it from Elena to be honest. But still, I’ll bide my time.

darcy_sketch_no2_by_kriegerin-d4jks4s Charlie

Last but certainly not least is a man that you unfortunately haven’t heard of..yet! My wonderful best friend Rachel is a very talented writer, and she started writing a novel which loosely based myself as one of the main characters (except she’s bit cooler, and a successful musician, unlike myself, an unsuccessful one!) and “my” love interest in the book is a man called Charlie. Charlie is an artist, who’s very sweet, even when he thinks I cheated on him with Keith Murray from We Are Scientists! Seriously, if you ever meet Rachel, tell her to GET IT PUBLISHED, cus it is so good! One of my favourite things is that it’s about a man falling for a female musician, as that is something that rarely happens in the chic-lit genre, it’s usually the other way around! But she created a really brilliant love-story for the two, and if Charlie were real, I’m sure we’d totes hit it off!

So that concludes my favourite fictional men, I’m essentially looking for an Edwardian sociopathic vampire FBI agent, who’s also an artist and demon hunter with a pet direwolf, he’ll also enjoy making pies, despite having scissors for hands..no wonder i’m single.

Girls & Boys Magazines..

I’ve just come back from Tesco, where I was looking to buy some magazines because I’m doing a project on advertisements.

I’m not really much of a magazine buyer so it has been a long time since I’ve looked through the sections properly, and I didn’t really like what I saw.

Firstly the magazines are roughly sectioned off into girls and boys magazines, in the girls section there were celebrity magazines, hair magazines, make-up magazines and soap magazines. In the boys section there were music magazines, film magazines, photography magazines..and of course the magazines with scantily clad women on the front.

I just wanted to have a little rant about it as I don’t think that it’s fair to assume that women aren’t interested in film and music and art. The way those magazines are designed and marketed makes it obvious that it is aimed primarily at men and I don’t think it is right!

I am far more interested in music than makeup and I know a lot of girls who feel the same. In the end I was so angry that I gave up searching for good adverts and bought SFX magazine because Simon Pegg was on the front.

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